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|Posted on December 27, 2017 at 3:20 PM||comments (0)|
Batman's Top 5 New Year's Resolutions
Hi there, it’s me… Batman! You know what I always say? New year, new me! Hah, just kidding. I don’t need to change. But YOU might. That’s why I thought I’d write these resolutions that you can learn from ME.
1. Have a Friend Hold You Accountable
No matter what you choose as your resolution, have a friend hold you accountable. Of course, I’m normally the one holding people accountable. But for all of you normal patrons out there, you could use somebody else to hold yourselves accountable. After all, I’m only one man. So who keeps me accountable? Some might say Robin (see picture below if you think that’s how it actually goes).
2. Keep Your Enemies Closer
I like to keep my enemies close… to my FISTS. Just saying, it’s important to know where your enemies are at all times and to use them as motivation to get better. Of course, my overall goal is to put them in prison… yours probably shouldn’t be so harsh.
3. Fit into Last Year’s Bat Suit
People WILL try to tempt you from reaching your goals. Just keep your eyes forward, like I do. And assume that whatever they’re offering you is poisoned. Er, maybe that only applies to me. Either way, you should probably be on the lookout just in case.
4. Face Your Fears
Ok, so I fell down a well ONE TIME and suddenly realized bats were scary. Hey, you would, too! But this year, things will be different. I’m going to face my fear, and you should, too! The first step was creating a bat suit because… if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
5. Save Your Paper
I know what you’re thinking… “he’s only Batman because he has so much money.” Well, you’re pretty much right. But I didn’t get here by slacking off. Start stacking your cash and maybe someday you can also own the whole city and run around in a suit of your choice. But please, pick a different animal. Bat is taken.
|Posted on September 28, 2017 at 12:35 AM||comments (0)|
Don’t get us wrong – a superhero, is a superhero. We’d all love to have a superpower. But this is where it starts to get a little tricky… there are many superheroes that drew the short end of the stick when it comes to their superpowers. Check out these top five superheroes we love to hate.
5. Porcupine Boy
When it comes to obscure superhero skills, there’s one huge reason Porcupine Boy makes our list. We can all agree that splinters are the worst, and this superhero’s power is, to put it simply, being covered in splinters. Possessing a nuisance power is reason enough to raise eyebrows, but the cherry on top is that one of his top enemies is Captain America. Unluckily for our Porcupine Boy, Captain America always wins. Sorry, Porcupine, the lumber yard called and they want their splinters back.
There are plenty of other animals we could think of to inspire a truly heroic superhero, but this one misses the mark. Or, should we say, isn’t on point.
4. Bouncing Boy
Remember those big bouncy balls that you would sit on as a kid? As a child, you were just having fun. In actuality, you were acting like a superhero!
As a child, Bouncing Boy had no powers at all. It wasn’t until he drank a special formula (which he thought was soda, but we’ll get to that) that he inflated like Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka. There are two main reasons we love to hate this so-called hero. One - he drank a potion he thought was soda, hence an accidental superhero. Two - his power is trying to save the world anyway he can by bouncing around on evil villains.
3. Howard the Duck
From his humble yet disappointing beginnings as a duck on the planet Duckworld, Howard could never do anything right. Whether it was holding down a job or fitting into groups, Howard had a hard time finding his place in life.
Then, Howard is abducted by Thog the nether-spawn and dropped into the Florida Everglades. He goes on a series of adventures and has even worked with some of the comic world’s best, like Spider-Man. Unfortunately, there’s nothing intimidating about a duck. As great as underdog superhero stories are, this one quacks us up.
We’ll give credit where credit is due— Aquaman is a founding member of the Justice League. He can breathe underwater, summon marine life and even defeated The Shaggy Man. On those accolades alone, Aquaman seems pretty cool. While most of our superheroes are land-dwelling, Aquaman thrives in the sea.
However, that’s precisely what brings him down. His ability to save the planet is limited to the water, because he grows weak if he remains on land for extended periods of time. He has a reputation for being one of the more wholesome superheroes, which doesn’t give him any sort of edge.
Like many other superheroes, Robert Baldwin, aka Speedball, developed force field powers in a research lab. To many other superheroes, including Captain America, his skills were never enough to be considered a real superhero. He was even turned down for The Avengers.
The little bit of good that Speedball could do, which was transfer his bubble shield over to protect others, will always fall short of world-saving powers and strengths. As great as it is that Speedball was able to use his powers to protect himself and others, we say the character fell irrelevant at high speeds.
|Posted on July 10, 2017 at 2:05 PM||comments (0)|
5 Comic Book Villains We Hate To Love
Listen, we’ve all seen those lists. The one’s of those characters everyone “loves to hate.” Sure, it’s easy to love to hate people in comics... and life in general, but when it comes to the all-time best villains, you have to give credit where credit is due, and there are SO many that we don’t hate. In fact, we kind of love them... Call it a guilty pleasure, but sometimes it’s a little easier than you’d expect to find yourself relating to (and almost rooting for) the villains. Villains are people too! So, for your reading pleasure, here’s a countdown of the 5 comic book villains we hate to love, and we know you will too!
5. Lex Luthor
How can you not connect with the “every-man” villain that is Lex Luthor? Like most evil villains, Luthor’s backstory is a bit tragic. While Luthor didn’t begin as an evil genius, he was always incredibly intelligent. I mean, he and Batman have the same superpower... WEALTH! Only, where Batman is uses his cunning mind to fight evil in Gotham, Lex Luthor is diabolical. He seeks power in Metropolis. Luthor is, after all, the arch-nemesis of Superman and embodies every extreme representation of the insecurities and flaws of humanity. Which...is why we love him. His hatred for Superman stems from very real emotions that we have all felt at some point which makes him so familiar to us: jealousy, inferiority, and fear. These feelings demonstrate, when not emotionally regulated, build into a destructive force. Lex Luthor reminds us that it is hard to be human, and challenges us to deal with our emotions upfront. With this being said, we can all agree that Lex Luthor is a villain we hate to love, and that is why he is number 5 on our list!
What do you get when you mix a troubled childhood with the mutant power to control magnetism? The #4 most lovable villain on our list, Magneto! We hate to love him, but because of the sad hardships that created the driving force behind why he is the way he is, evil as all get out. I mean, look at his background. The poor guy’s family survived the passing of the Nuremberg Laws and the attack of Kristallnacht; they then fled to Poland where the Nazi’s captured them. They were shipped to the concentration camp Auschwitz. He was then separated from his parents. And as if all this tragedy and trauma wasn’t bad enough, our poor villain was in the midst of being pulled away when they noticed the fence was bent, and his mutant superpower identified. Magneto experienced the darkest point in the history of humanity. He has seen human beings turn on each other and systematically murder a group of people. How can you not secretly feel for the guy? He has seen humanity at its worst, and we can’t help but wonder if he is just misunderstood, after all he’s been through, because he truly knows just how evil humanity can be.
3. Dark Phoenix
Ok. Ok. We get it. There is nothing worse than rooting for the villain, but that’s exactly what you HAVE TO do for a beloved founding member of the X-men (Marvel Girl) with god-like powers. What makes us appeal to the Dark Phoenix the most is (big surprise) her history! Jean Grey, her real name, initially discovered her telepathic and telekinetic powers as a 10-year old child. Which, whoa. Imagine being 10 years old and not having a grasp on the fact you have telekinesis. Later, when Jean’s best friend, Annie Richardson, dies after being hit by a car, Jean nearly dies herself when she telepathically links with her, experiencing all of Annie’s emotions before she dies. Again, WHOA. Talk about an intense, traumatic experience. And if that doesn’t make you feel for her, then we kindly ask you to remember when she heroically sacrificed herself to rescue her friends... and then basically DIED in the process! With a Phoenix Force turning her to evil, can we can all agree that it’s really not her fault? Because, and let’s be honest, there is not a comic fan on Earth that didn't secretly delight when she destroyed world and didn't think twice.
Ok, bare with us here, but honestly, Negan is just another misunderstood “regular” guy trying to make it the best way he can in a world smack dab in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. Still with us? It’s his charisma that really sneaks into our hearts. Granted, he uses a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire to make his way through the apocalyptic landscape, but it’s this all the charm (and fear) which puts him at number 2 on our list. Negan is responsible for the deaths of several beloved Walking Dead characters and is as foul mouthed as they come. Even though he does horrible, unforgivable things, there’s a certain logic, be it a dysfunctional logic, but a logic nevertheless to Negan’s actions. So maybe we can’t relate to him, but we can at least see where he’s coming from... Sometimes there is a method to the madness. It’s as simple as that. So, Negan, thanks for making us hate to love you.
And last, but certainly not least, we have our all time favorite villain we hate to love: The Joker. This legendary character was initially supposed to be killed by the end of the first arc, but his popularity sparked among the fans and thus, his reason of survival. Now, after almost 75 years, he is still known as one of the greatest characters (not just villains). It’s pretty obvious why we chose him for #1, right? Most villains are motivated by money, power, fame, or influence. Not the Joker. He is motivated by his twisted thoughts, a mentally ill mind with no sense of morality. And what fuels all his crazy? An intense hatred of Batman, himself. We get it. Sometimes, you just hate the good guy, especially when the good guy is the wealthiest dude in town. The Joker comes from a long-standing history of crime; some might refer to him as a criminal genius, and he will go to whatever extreme he needs to in order to make Batman's life as miserable as possible. Shoot Batgirl? Ok. Take out Robin? No problem! Nothing scares this evil genius, and there is no end to his lunacy. And if all this isn’t enough to give him the #1 slot, you got to give it up for his maniacal laugh. This is the guy who taught every other villain the ropes of creeping everyone out via laughter. Kudos, Joker. Job well done.
|Posted on July 1, 2014 at 7:20 PM||comments (1)|
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